mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Randomize
