please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
People with herpes should wear stickers.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Randomize
