and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
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