Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
Randomize