I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
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