Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
Randomize
