I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
Randomize
