I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
Damn victory sex feels great
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
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