so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
I party with great urgency now.
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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