if only i could text you this smell
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
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