I'm lost and stupid without you.
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
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