It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
