i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
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