I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
