spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
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