After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
