soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Randomize
