She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Randomize
