HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
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