I got chris browned last night
apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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