I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
