It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
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