Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
