i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
Randomize
