hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
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