I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
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