Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
Randomize
