he puts the penis in happiness.
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
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