Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
well done
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
