Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
What did we do last night that was yellow?
I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
im calling her cock vulture from now on
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
