I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
There r osticjed everywhere
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
Randomize
