dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
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