too bad you live with your parents still
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
