I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
