I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
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