YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Randomize
