SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
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