I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
I think we might need a safe word for this...
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
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