be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
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