you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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