Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
Randomize
