wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
Randomize
