There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
Randomize
