i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
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