My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
How external is "for external use only"?
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
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