Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
Randomize
