I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
I'm bleeding and have questions
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
Randomize
