before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
that's an acceptable place to lick
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
Randomize
