a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
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