That's when you crack a 10am beer
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
You can't just leave with hair like that
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
