Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
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