I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
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