Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
I have aggressive nipples.
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
