you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
Randomize
