she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
