so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
So squirting runs in the family.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
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