Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Randomize
