I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
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