I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
Randomize
