I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
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