Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize
