She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
