OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
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