I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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