I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
Randomize
