In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
Randomize
