i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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