who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
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