Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(704): View more from North Carolina

so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low

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(619): View more from California

I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.

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(713): View more from Texas

I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer

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(832): View more from Houston, Texas

So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.

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(860): View more from Connecticut

Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.

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(630): View more from Illinois

I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.

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(310): View more from California

Is cereal technically a soup?

(310): View more from California

Fuck, I'm high.

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(832): View more from Houston, Texas

THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER

(832): View more from Houston, Texas

IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE

(832): View more from Houston, Texas

FUCK THIS BIRD

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(803): View more from South Carolina

Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze

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