i love accidental penises.
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
Randomize
