Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize
