why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
Randomize