Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
Randomize
