I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
