i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
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