Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
Randomize
