my mouth tastes like poor choices
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
