Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
