Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
how do flat chested girls get laid?
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
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