You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
Randomize
